Beer Drinking Skillz

You're very knowledgeable about your beer, says P as we catch up over a couple of pints and a burger at The Dolphin in Eastbourne.

I'm not, although all things are relative and P drinks Peroni or similar so I might as well have had a degree in the subject for all P knows about (or is really interested in) Real Ale.

I am more passionate than learned about it.  But I drink it.  A lot.

We got onto chatting about how you know when a pint is bad, and what to do about it when you do.  It minded me of an article on one of the beer blogs I follow where a couple of women beer drinkers (who, I think have recently hit on Real Ale from the Craft side of the street...but I might be wrong) who last year chatted to other women at the Great British Beer Festival.
I was a bit horrified by what they purport to have found...that:

- women often don't drink pints (or even beer) on dates because it's not very feminine, and that men agree with this assertion.

- women are nervous of drinking beer, or asking about beer because they think (or even have experienced) that men belittle them for not knowing.

- women would like to know more about beer...but don't think there's any way to find out.  There seemed to be an implication that a women-only education/tasting session would help this.

What an enormous shame this is...although I suspect that it's not only women who fear they don't know their beer.

Taking the first point, first, I'll grant you that I've been enormously lucky.  The men in my life have not only tolerated, but actively encouraged my beer-drinking.  And, with the exception of one male school friend (and it was a long time ago, although I've never really forgiven him for it), I've not heard any guy make derogatory comments on women drinking pints.
(To be fair though...my drinking habits are not really the least feminine thing about me.)

If it's true though, I might suggest that the women question think very carefully about dating blokes who actively make you feel that way about the drink of your choice.
I was amused the other day when I went into a pub and bought myself a pint whilst I was waiting for someone to join me and a fella next to me looked at the pint that I'd just sipped, smiled at me and just said "good girl!"   Sexist?  Maybe, I guess.  Offensive?  No way - quite amusing, really.

Next point...

If bar staff can't be gracious about the way they sell their product then they're not fit to serve behind a bar and should just f*ck right off.  Know the product.  If possible, like the product, and share your enthusiasm with your customers.
I would imagine that guys who are new to drinking real ale (or craft beer of any kind) don't really have the vocabulary, or mebbe the confidence to know what they like...so, not unlike women, then.  That shouldn't matter.
Any good pub should offer you a taste if you don't know the relative merits of the choices in front of you.  If they don't offer, ask.  Now, don't take the p*ss - you can't expect them to accommodate the time and cost of you trying all of the 12 beers on offer.  So try a couple and then buy a pint...or buy a half to try.  If you don't like it - then chalk it down to experience and don't have it again. But give it a full half to decide...some beers really do grow on you. 

If you don't know where to buy your beer, start with the Good Beer Guide.  It's relatively reliable and there's a better than average chance they keep their beer consistently well.  If you can't stump up the cost of a guide, then look in the windows of the pub.  If they're in they'll often have a notice bragging about it.

If you want to get some real exposure to a lot of well kept beer at a single strike - then go to a CAMRA run beer festival.  It doesn't need to have 500 cask beers to be worthwhile - after all, how many can you actually try?
Go to one which has 20 beers, or 40 beers - then engage the volunteers behind the bar and ask them what they like.  Any beer drinker worth their salt will extol the virtues of their favourite brew and they'll tell you why.  Actually, you'll probably find it hard to get away from us once you ask the question.

So back to the question of how you know a pint is bad.

Well, beer ought to be mostly clear, about 12degC, smell pleasant, and taste of...well, beer.
Yes - some beers have unusual flavours in them that not all people like (a bit grassy, a touch of the silage about them) but off flavours and smells are mostly pretty distinctive.

If you drink enough beer, those off-tastes are easy to spot.

There's a borderline of "tiredness" when the cask's been open for half a day too long with too little in it which sometimes you just have to take on the chin.  But really bad beer...never, never accept it.

Take it back to the bar (actually, not leaving the bar before taking the top off it is even better, if you can remember) - smile, be pleasant and explain.
My thing is usually to apologise or to say words like "I'm afraid this pint's off"...

What should happen is that they take it back, offer you something else and take the beer off sale immediately without making you feel bad.  If they don't, then I'd recommend giving that pub a miss in future.

Bar staff should know, roughly, whether a cask is fresh or been on the go for a few days...and so telling them a pint is off, shouldn't really come as any surprise.
I've only ever had arguments three times with off beer - and I've taken maybe 20 or 30 pints back in 30 years of beer drinking.

Why not just leave the pint, and leave the pub?
Well - firstly, every pub gets it wrong once in a while.  Give them the chance to right their mistake and be gracious doing it.  If the replacement pint you got is good, then it's probably just bad luck.

But it's not just about that pub.  If people don't complain, then other people with less beer experience under their belts might be put off drinking the beer of that brewery...or all real beer because they thought what they just tasted is how it's supposed to taste.  That makes it degree harder for all the good places out there.

I honestly don't think tutored beer tasting sessions are the answer to becoming better with beer.  You need to find yourself a knowledgeable companion...and drink the stuff.